Dark Night of the Soul

Ah, yes… “The Tower” moment many, but not all, experience at some point in their life. Maybe even more than once, if they didn’t learn the first time.

I never knew what the dark night of the soul was until September 2017, when my life came crashing down all at once. I was devastated because I had no idea who I was, how I wanted to spend my life and what I considered to be meaningful. I felt as if my life came to a dead end. It was scary. Scarier than the time I ended up homeless during the winter of 2015/2016 and slept in my Jeep until it was repo’d one morning at 4 AM. That was ok because even though I felt like I had hit rock bottom financially, I was generally optimistic, hopeful and knew how to get myself back into the swing of things financially. However, the dark night of the soul left me feeling clueless and forlorn, even when I had financial abundance.

I searched and searched looking for answers as to why I felt as if my identity was being ripped apart and luckily I found various information, mostly from Youtube. It made me realize that the foundation I started to build my values upon was really faulty and just really sucked. It sucked so much that in order to truly understand the magnitude of suckiness that had been built up, the Universe decided to play Jenga, by pulling out the bottom blocks. Bye bye shitty values.

So the dark night of the soul is when the ego you’ve identified yourself with dies and you mourn the loss. This is what The Tower card in tarot readings represent. Your ego is most alive when you are living a life that is inauthentic, whereas your intuition is most alive when you are living a life that is authentic. Inauthenticity is partaking in anything that has no immediate value in itself but is rather necessary to get what you want, like working a job you hate but you only do it to make money. Authenticity is partaking in anything that is of true value in itself, like working a job you love so much, you don’t give a shit about how much money you make.

When you live an authentic life, you don’t have to worry about the dark night of the soul because you are always being guided by your intuition, which is based on love. You bypass that excruciating time because you are on the right path and you listen. The authentic path is always wide open and never ending. Life is just good, regardless of any shit storms that come through from time to time.

When you live an inauthentic life, which is based on fear, your intuition will always try to reach out to you in some way to get you off the inauthentic path and back onto your authentic path, because it gives a shit about you. However, your ego is so determined to keep you on it’s path, that it will do whatever it can to block the intuition by beating you down into submission. Then at some point, you’re ego will lead you to a dead end. It will peace out and leave you to fend for yourself, because it never gave a shit about you. And there you are left with the Stockholm syndrome… the bond that causes the dark night of the soul.

This experience can be a very painful process but all depends on how inauthentic you’ve been and for how long. The main thing is to surrender as fast as possible in order to get out of that forlorn funk, so you can start rebuilding your life. Any resistance will cause more pain and wasted time. I know from experience and that’s why it lasted for about 4 months. It was ridiculously rough and very lonely but I needed to learn the hard way because I was very stubborn and refused to put up my white flag. But now I know. If I want to avoid those awful tower moments for the rest of my life, I need to make sure that the structure I build my values upon are authentically solid.


via Daily Prompt: Forlorn


12 thoughts on “Dark Night of the Soul

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