Contradictions and synchronicities have been playing host in my life recently. If you knew all the random crap I’ve gone through lately, you would wonder what the heck was going on. I came home from the gym today and just let out all my frustration and anger. I was so angry, I scared my cat and she pooped on the floor. Poor thing.
So where did all this come from? Let me explain.
A lot of the posts that I’ve published lately have all been thrown in my face ten fold. It’s almost as if I feel like a hypocrite when I read them now. But when I wrote them, I was very authentic and everything that I wrote was genuine. I meant everything that I wrote and I practice what I preach. But damn, it’s almost as if the Universe threw it all in my face and said, “Let’s see how you deal with all these things at a more severe level.” Ready. Go.
So I wrote a couple of posts on how important it is to feel good and the benefits from it. You just simply push all the negative bullshit to the side, focus on feeling good first and then come back and deal with it. Well lately, I haven’t been able to push anything to the side. I couldn’t feel good no matter what I did, as if I was blocked from feeling good. It was very bizarre because I’ve been pretty good about getting into the feel good vibe. This frustrated me to the max and I thought wow, here I am a hypocrite.
Then I wrote about how to not worry about things such as money and weight because like attracts like and how I wasn’t going to worry about money anymore so that I could be financially abundant. Well I did stop worrying about it but then as I was driving home today, it all hit me: My rent is due in less than 10 days, I have a ton of bills to pay starting Sunday, I can barely feed myself and my cat. I’m going through this all because I’m tired of working my ass off for other people and I just want to fulfill my dreams and work for myself. All the money I made from packing parachutes till my hands bled is just about gone. I was pretty upset because I allowed myself to get to this point somehow. I thought what I did was the right thing and I couldn’t understand it because I consider myself to be a good person, like I had posted. Yet I felt like karma was attacking me anyways. I felt that I’ve been making great effort into doing what I feel is right in order to align with the good vibing frequencies but things were just not aligning to what I felt. So like was not attracting like.
Another post which I’ve actually posted about was the fact that I posted on how skydiving is fairly safe, yet a couple of days later, someone dies from a parachuting accident at my home drop zone, which hasn’t happened since 2014! I found out it was a 27 year old Canadian from Calgary that collided with another skydiver. They were both wingsuiting. The other wingsuiter survived. And the weird thing about all this is that someone had commented on my post about regulations on winguiting and I just posted that you need minimum 200 skydives but didn’t clarify the reason, which at the back of my mind, I should’ve explained how dangerous it is and that’s why you need a minimum of 200 skydives but I didn’t and now I’ve just done so.
Then last but not least, the two posts I published today. The cold shower did make me feel energized when I wrote the post but I was so lethargic for the rest of the day and I felt like crap at the gym. I also posted about how lefties are considered sinister because they are more prone to anger issues, bad luck and some other evil or deviant problems. Well, well, well. I came home frustrated and livid to the max. I hadn’t been this angry in a very long time. I’m usually pretty chill and easy going. I tried to write in my journal to calm me down but it pulled a 180 for the first time. I couldn’t believe how angry I got just from writing in my journal. This never happens! And so I felt the need to take a bath, which is the first time I’ve ever taken a bath in this apartment and I’ve been here for a year. I just started crying over the recent shitshow of bizarre and contradicting events and thinking I must be paranoid or cursed with bad luck. I thought, how can I possibly explain this to anyone without coming across as someone who’s completely losing their shit?
I was still mad 5 minutes into bathtime. And then just as I’m just getting ready to finally relax, I noticed one of the lights started making this slight buzzing noise. Lovely. So I told it to fuck off and what do you know, the lights shut off. No joke. I just sat there for a few more minutes in complete disbelief and then just as I’m about to start getting mad again I just said fuck it and continued to chill in the dark with my invisible little white flag. I took a shower in the dark as well but couldn’t get it to be cold, it was warm! I’m thinking really, no cold water huh…wtf is going on?!?! Well whatever it is, I need to blog about it, and so here it is.
I’ve also been seeing a lot of synchronicities or coincidences, if you will. Mostly numbers like 444, 555, 111, 1111. Not just on clocks, but on receipts, license plates, mail, views on youtube videos, etc. My tarot readings have pretty much been on point every day but today was different for some reason. It didn’t feel right and the shuffling was off. I did see the tower card face up but disassociated with it because it didn’t come out the way I normally shuffle. But when cards come out, they come out for a reason. There are 78 cards in the tarot deck. I only allow 3 if they come out face up and the same ones have been popping out lately.
I also ran into someone today at the gym who I had thought about just recently and haven’t seen or talked to in over a year. He had also left the skydiving industry but for different reasons. He has over 5,000 skydives and decided to embark on a new hobby.
So this is how I feel now that I’ve finally calmed down: I’m in super manifestation mode. When I published my posts, contradictions started to manifest in order to show me something: Strength. Something that I want, resonate with and feel I need to be aligned with in order to do what I need to do to live the life I want. The synchronicities were validating the fact that I’m in super manifestation mode. I felt the Universe was trying to tell me, “Hey Jen, you posted a lot about the things you feel are important in life so let’s really put you to the test. I care about you and want you to succeed. You want resilience in order to fulfill your dreams right? You got it.” And so the journey to fulfilling my dreams continues. What will come next I wonder…or should I even ask?