The Struggles of the Twin Flame Journey

When you meet your twin flame, get ready to experience yourself in ways you never knew existed.

But before I explain the struggles of the twin flame journey, based on my personal experience, I figure I should elaborate a few simple things about spirituality in regards to this “phenomenon” and share some insights about this connection.

You can read all sorts of articles, books and such about what a twin flame is, the signs, etc., which I recommend because many of them are in depth, but only you will know for sure this person is your twin flame. Why? Because twin flame connections come from the higher 5th dimension (5D) of consciousness, which is the higher sense of spiritual evolution (knowing) as opposed to the lower 3rd dimension (3D) of consciousness, which is the senses of human survival (sight, sound, smell, touch and taste) to form validity and soundness.

So, a twin flame is your “other half”. You are one soul split in two bodies. They are the polar opposite of you, meaning they are the yin (feminine) to your yang (masculine) or vice versa. This is not to be confused with gender as feminine and masculine are energies and the fact that reproductive systems don’t exist in the 5D; all that exists in 5D is energy and awareness. So yes, twin flames can be the same gender in 3D but resonate with either “divine” masculine or “divine” feminine in the 5D. Also, this doesn’t mean we have either yin or yang energy; we have both energies within ourselves and they need to be completely balanced before ascending into 5D.

Upon meeting your twin flame, you may recognize them right away. My twin recognized me right away but I didn’t recognize him as we are polar opposites. However, I did feel really comfortable around him and felt a very strong pull towards him that I couldn’t understand.

Since there is such a strong pull sensation you get around this person without understanding why, you begin to form a very strong bond in the 3D (our physical reality), even though you’ve always had and always will have a strong bond in the 5D. That’s why they seem familiar and why you may feel very comfortable around them.

The purpose of meeting your twin flame is to accelerate your spiritual awakening process by showing you who you really are, help you grow as a person and lead you towards embodying unconditional love so you both can ascend into the 5D realm of infinite possibilities with an infinite amount of time together. They do this by unlocking your internal pandora’s box, as they are the only person who can do this, because, in essence, they are you and you both share the same soul.

The many soulmates you come across your entire life do not have this ability as they are in charge of their own soul connection, which is why they are called soulmates. Their job is only to serve you as helpers to prepare you for your union with the other half of your own soul, your twin flame or twin soul as some call it.

You call your twin into your life when you “feel” whole within yourself and when you feel that you are in control of your life in 3D reality. You don’t consciously realize when you do this “calling” because it’s all done from the 5D. I had no idea what twin flames were until the separation phase 5 months after we met. But from my own experience and what I’ve read, it’s the feminine (yin) that does the calling because the feminine twin is the dominant counterpart in the 5D realm of spirituality, whereas, the masculine is the dominant counterpart in the 3D realm of practicality.

Once you get to know your twin a little better, you will fall for them pretty quickly without understanding exactly why and then they will show you whether you can maintain that “wholeness” within yourself without them around and if you truly are in control of your life by cracking open your ego and shake you like no other. All that lingering negativity you didn’t know existed within you will be shaken out of you. They activate everything you feel uncomfortable with and don’t like about yourself. Then they leave for you to clear it up on your own, which is why twin flames usually reside in different countries and meet unexpectedly for a short amount of time.

Your twin flame won’t try to leave you but will naturally gravitate away once they crack open your ego because when your ego is exposed for healing, things can get intense. So, basically, you will come together, feel the intense connection, activate each other, then separate to handle the contents of your own pandora’s box.

They have no clue about any of this or why they feel the need to be away from you because of course, it all stems from the 5D. You will also crack open their ego and shake the shit out of it as well. And let me tell you, because this connection is based in the higher dimension, it will cause a lot of confusion and despair when you are mostly operating in the lower 3D. This is because your 3D senses cannot justify exactly what’s going on and because you will form the ultimate bond with this person, even when you just met them. But even when you are separated in 3D, you’ll always be connected in 5D.

Once you both handle your own business, get into the state of inner feminine/masculine equilibrium and are truly ok without each other in the 3D knowing full well that you are always connected in 5D, you will naturally gravitate towards each other again and reunite. This time, you may not have to go through the intense separation/pandora’s box phase again if you both can maintain that inner equilibrium when you are around each other.

If you still have some issues to address, back into the separation/pandora’s box phase you go. And it’s this phase that’s dreadful but is needed to be dealt with in order to ascend into the 5D because you don’t take your 3D drama with you into the spiritual world.

My Story and the Struggles

I met my twin flame a year ago and I blogged about him from a romantic point of view in Love and Lost. The way I feel about him today is both loving and annoying because ever since I met him, I have grown tremendously as a person as he is the only person who can bestow this gift upon me. Yet, as I’ve been ready to move on and “forget” about him, I’m constantly being reminded of him in various ways.

My twin and I met while working a demo parachuting training contract together at a drop zone not too far from where I live. He lives in the eastern part of Canada and I live in the western part of the US. We both were not interested in this particular contract because I was planning to take a trip to Rome, Italy to do some solo traveling as I was really embracing my “wholeness” and my twin was in the process of relocating to a different work station in Canada. However, I just felt the need to put my trip on hold to work this contract and my twin put his relocation on hold for this contract as well. So we ended up meeting through “chance”.

He recognized me the moment he first saw me but I paid no attention to him when I first saw him because I was solely focused on working. Also, at the time, I was a bit on the shallow side as I was not physically attracted to him because he didn’t display any of the features I found attractive in a man besides his eyes, which are gorgeous, so I closed myself off to him. He’s a physically attractive guy in general but not the type I was currently into. My twin looks very identical to clean shaven/bald/bulky muscular/light eyes Dominic Purcell from Breaking Bad but the type I find attractive looks like the bearded/long haired/lean muscular/dark eyes Milo Ventimiglia from This Is Us. Two completely different looks.

During the first week we worked together, he made attempts to make small talk with me and even mentioned that he felt very comfortable around me. I also felt the same way and we ended up having full blown conversations about our life and the many similarities we’ve experienced before we met, especially meeting the same Swedish guy at different times in different countries. It’s as if our lives ran parallel to one another and yet, we appear to be very opposite of one another.

So, even though I didn’t think much of my twin physically, I did notice how strong his pull was towards me. He was displaying a lot of behaviors that would normally make me think he was creepy and stalkerish. He would always text me when I’d leave work wanting to know what I was doing, would buy the books I told him I was reading, go to places I liked, buy the beers I liked, and always threw me some hints to invite him over to hang out. The funny thing is that even though he displayed all these creepy behaviors and the fact that I was not physically attracted to him whatsoever, I felt very flattered and the need to be around him and invite him over. Usually when someone displays these kinds of behaviors, regardless of how attractive they are, I feel instantly repulsed by them and I run. But not this person.

We spent a lot of time outside of work for the 3 weeks he was down here training and when he flew back to Canada, I thought that was it and felt ok about it but hoped deep down inside that he would contact me and he did because he said he felt the need to keep in touch.

From that point, when he contacted me from Canada, I started to feel the major pull towards him and I never went to visit Rome like I had intended. Instead, I made trips to visit him. The first time I visited was amazing. We bonded so much more than when we worked together and fell for each other pretty hard and really quickly.  When I visited my twin the second time, I thought I would feel blissful but instead, I started to feel some change within me. And this change started to grow and become more intense and very uncomfortable.

For the 5 months we were in contact with one another and visited each other, I started to feel more and more of this intense and uncomfortable feeling. I felt confused, hopeless, and irrational. I started overanalyzing things I normally don’t pay attention to and I started to feel that everything in my life became meaningless. It was definitely not how I felt before I met him. I was doing really well and my life was on the up and up.

As I started to waste my time by overanalyzing things, I started to blame my twin, thinking he was either bad luck or one of those energy vampires because I remember thinking that since I involved him in my life, it started to fall apart after the “honeymoon” phase and I started to feel very unsettled. I ended up breaking things off various times because I just felt so confused about how I felt and I wanted to be alone.

In September 2017, we completely stopped talking to each other cold turkey. That is when the real separation occurred. At first I was ok with it, then I started to sink into a lot of darkness for a few months because I had no idea what was happening to me. It was brutal as I isolated myself from everyone, quit my job and started to experience things that really tested my patience. No matter how many times I went to the gym to clear my mind, or how many times I read my stoic books and get into the habit of feeling good, I could not shake this shitty and unsettled feeling. I started to think maybe I had chemical imbalances in my brain but I just felt that I didn’t.

So because I wasn’t in contact with my twin anymore and everything seemed very boring and meaningless, I began to blog, thinking it would help me feel better and it did for a few months. I consciously knew how to get things done in the 3D realm of practicality and I shared many of the ideas I had. However, the forces of the 5D realm of spirituality (including planetary alignments) trump the 3D realm by far. So even though I know how to be practical, and I understand how the brain and heart work towards manifestation, none of that will keep me from experiencing what my twin has opened up inside of me. And as a result, I realized this twin flame journey is not easy, whatsoever. In fact, it’s the hardest thing I’ve EVER had to experience.

No matter how many times I attempt to find ways to keep myself super busy by embracing my masculine energy of practicality or “getting shit done” I am forced to deal with the things I do not like on a daily basis, such as patience, surrender and boredom. I need to be constantly busy doing something to keep my vibration up.

I noticed that in the past, I’ve been really successful with forgetting about things I don’t want to deal with by keeping myself busy. It worked like a charm every time up until this past year. I kept questioning why it wasn’t working anymore but then realized that it’s the old 3D paradigm that worked for me when I was “asleep” and just starting my spiritual awakening journey at the end of 2015. But since I met my twin in the 3D in March 2017, my spiritual evolution process has been put on full blast and I just know I can’t go back.

It’s very frustrating, especially because I flip flop a lot between the 3D and 5D levels of consciousness. As I’m embracing the connectedness of the Universe, I soon fall back into the idea of separation real quick. I subconsciously use my 3D senses instead of consciously training myself to embrace my 5D sense of knowing, but it’s an ongoing process that takes time, patience and a shit ton of meditation!

I’ve meditated a lot, which is great and I do it a lot to ground myself. I feel better and come across a lot of insights but then later on when I’m having a great workout and connecting with people by cracking jokes and laughing, I start to feel a random sense of sadness, despair and confusion out of nowhere. I start to think, “Really?! Where the fuck is this coming from now?! Did my endorphins get replaced with cortisol?” It’s really frustrating, let me tell you. And from what I read from various different sources, this random energy is actually from my twin now that we’ve connected in person. However, because I don’t communicate with him, I’m not sure what he’s up to and what kind of emotions he’s dealing with so I can tell him to try and pipe down the shitty ones.

I’ve tried to ask how he’s doing a couple of times but he wasn’t having it. He was polite but short with me. At least I attempted and I just assumed he’s going through his own pandora’s box of goodies. In fact, because we are polar opposites, he’s probably thinking that I’m bad luck now that I finally recognized who he is. Before it was him who tried to persuade me into thinking we had a deep connection when I just thought he was bad news and I was not having it.

So because I don’t know much about his life since we stopped talking, and have no way of knowing whether it’s his energy I’m feeling or I’m just going crazy, there are times when I just don’t want to be on this 5D twin flame journey anymore. It can get annoying  when I start to feel randomly shitty when I’m in the middle of laughing at memes. I don’t want to think about my twin anymore, nor do I want any of his energy. I want to go back to embracing my dominant, masculine energy by having just my own independent energy, doing my own thing, being proactive, detaching from a breakup quickly and attaining a sense of accomplishment in the practical world like I’ve always done before.

This last year has been a complete 180 and I cannot explain the frustration of wanting to go back to feeling that I have full control of my life when I keep experiencing the dark side of myself that I never knew existed or even paid attention to. Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely love my twin for everything he’s done for me, which has been way more than anyone has ever done for me. I’ll always love him for that and for the fact that it just doesn’t feel right to try and not love him anymore as opposed to any of my ex boyfriends where it just feels repulsive to still love any of them.

Even though I still love my twin unconditionally, I also don’t feel the need to be with him because I want to meet someone new as anything new intrigues me and I need as much of that as I can get during this journey! But as soon as I try to forget about him by going back to embracing my “wholeness” and scooting along towards reclaiming my inner independence, I am quickly reminded of him either by seeing his name everywhere, seeing bald and muscular dudes at the gym that resemble him, hearing or seeing the word trigger because that’s his dog’s name or dreaming about him. And I know that this happens in order to test me because anything that “triggers” me is a sign that I need to heal in that area so I’m not “triggered” by it anymore.

To this day, I still deal with the contents of my pandora’s box. And as much as I want to start seeing practical magic happen right away, I have to allow myself to be patient, surrender to everything out of my control and refrain myself from feeling bored which is very easy for me to feel as I have a type A personality that is highly passionate towards adrenaline driven activities.

So if you are on the twin flame journey, please share your story or anything in regards to this connection as I find it to be very interesting, very helpful and very high on the difficulty scale. It’s like training to be a part of DEVGRU (Seal Team Six) in the spiritual world. Cheers!

Pandora's_Box

Photo: Pandora’s Box via Darkened Dawn (Reblox)

via Daily Prompt: Bestow

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18 thoughts on “The Struggles of the Twin Flame Journey

    • Thanks Len! Yeah, this journey has been really interesting and somewhat brutal lately with all the energetic shifts going on. I’m just glad I’m not the only person experiencing this. I’ve been witnessing other people who met their twins in person (3D) go through the same thing.

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  • I haven’t seen mine for about 9 years now and we don’t talk anymore. He is married now but I still feel a connection through dreams and synchronicities. I have had other relationships but nothing comes close. Thanks for sharing your story. I wish I had known more about TF’s back when all this was going on. I had to white knuckle my way through all those difficult intense years of on again/off again and all the pain and confusion until I just had to move away and start my healing journey alone. I only recently learned about TF’s and it’s crazy because I’m like – this is exactly what I was talking about! I’m not crazy! ❤️

    Liked by 1 person

    • Wow, 9 years is a long time and you’re not crazy! ❤ This twin flame journey really is Seal Team Six training into the spiritual world. 😉
      Learning to be completely detached from the person we hold the strongest bond with isn't easy but it can be done. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  • Hi, yes!! I’m on a twin flame journey, and your story just feels so familiar. I have my own blog that I’ve just started to try and get this out to help others. I love what you have written, it makes so much more sense than mine, haha. But I’m a wonderful scatterbrain, so ya know, go figure. Keep sharing, as I love to read other’s stories too, so I know I am not insane here. I feel insane at times. I don’t have anyone in my day to day life to talk to as they all think I’m simply obsessed with this guy… but this is more than obsession.
    Anyway, thank you for sharing. I loved your words. So much love. xx

    Liked by 2 people

    • Thanks for sharing! I’ll have to check out your blog. ❤
      The twin flame journey is definitely not an easy one. I try not to think about it as much as I used to because the whole point of meeting your twin is to crack open your ego to heal for ascension.
      Once we meet them, and they activate us, we no longer need them anymore. But of course, the hard part is trying to stop thinking about them when all they want to do is just hover in our minds all the time like a knat!
      And I'm scatterbrained as well, especially these last couple of months!

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  • Thank you! On a twin flame journey too and one of the hardest parts has been having no one in my personal life to talk to who gets it. It’s so nice hearing other people’s stories of it. My twin is married and was married when I met him. If we ever will be together (and I hope we will be) it will be several years from now. Good luck to you on your journey and many blessings. ❤️

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you for commenting! You are definitely not alone. Usually we meet our twin flames when we least expect it and usually one is in a relationship of some sort. That’s what happened with me. I was just beginning to feel really empowered by being single, while he had been wanting to get out of his long term situation for some time, which I knew nothing about until we separated. Neither one of us was looking for anyone else and then we met. I never knew the real story about his situation but all I know is that I served as a huge catalyst for his decision and he served as a test to see if I really do feel empowered by being single.
      Twin flames only serve to bring out what needs healing within ourselves and then they leave. It’s kind of a paradox. They are the only person who can unlock our internal pandora’s box for healing and the only person we have the most powerful connection with, yet they are also the person we have to be COMPLETELY unattached to in order to connect with them again, which of course is tremendously difficult.

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  • Reblogged this on Spiritual AF and commented:
    It’s so interesting to see how people in different places of the earth are/have experienced the same things in regards to twin flames. When I first discovered all the stuff on the internet about twin flames I was so relived I was like, finalllyyy an answer to this madness I have been feeling but that is only the first step! It’s a bloody long journey but it is definitely worth it, I mean who doesn’t want to be the best version of themselves?

    Liked by 1 person

  • Hey Hun, I am on the same journey! Some advice, keep pushing! When you keep doing the work the universe will reward you for all that you have done, if your twin does not want to help you through this journey then consider taking up work that helps you help others (this is doing wonders for me) and try not to feel frustrated, it’s an amazing gift to be chosen to go on this journey and you should send nothing but love, peace and happiness to your twin (to yourself) he will feel it x10 and this will result in the opportunity to come back together. Love, peace and light to you ❤

    Liked by 1 person

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