Lately, I’ve been feeling very discontent with my living situation.
I sleep on a couch in my sister’s house, and live out of my suitcase. This is fine and I have no problem with it because I’m super chill with not having a lot as I’ve mentioned in my When I Have Less, I Appreciate More blog. The problem I have is the toxic environment I’m exposed to while I’m staying here.
Because I have been accelerating through the ascension process of spiritual awakening, I’m more sensitive to the energy around me. Way, WAY more sensitive. I can pick up on positive and negative energy in people real quick. Before I started the ascension process, I didn’t get bothered as much by other people’s energy because I was never aware of it. Now, I can’t help but take notice and feel it intensely, no matter what I’m doing.
For the past few weeks, I’ve been trying really hard to stay out of the house by going to the gym and hanging out at either Starbucks or nearby parks. I also try to pick up available work throughout the day as a delivery driver for Amazon Flex. It’s not the greatest job for me to have only because work can be hard to get and because a Jeep Wrangler with a manual transmission isn’t a very fuel efficient, nor is it fun on my clutch and transmission when I have to stop and go all the time. But I make money, I’m an independent contractor (which is what I love), it keeps me busy, and it keeps me out of the house!
I won’t get into full detail about why my living situation is toxic, as a form of respect. I will say that I don’t like where I’m at because the energy is not very optimistic and positive. I will notice some positivity going on, but it’s very rare.
My intention to stay there was mainly to sleep. I don’t even shower there anymore, as I use the one at the gym everyday. But anytime I’m at the house, I feel very uncomfortable, unwanted, blamed for when things goes wrong and dragged into toxic situations that I should not be involved in. I had left the first time a couple months to go to the Four Corners because of these issues and I needed to get away from it. I really didn’t want to come back but I did because I thought things would change but they didn’t. I also feel energetically drained anytime I’m at the house but I really don’t have anywhere else to go.
Because this feeling of discontentment has been getting worse, I’ve started to think that going back to live in my Jeep again would probably be better for my well being. My windows are tinted and I really do feel comfortable in my Jeep, I just need to get a cozy sleeping bag. I would also like to live somewhere else in the US for a while that has an Amazon Flex location so I can work and experience new scenery.
I know most people would be like, “Are you crazy?!?!” and a couple of years ago, I would’ve thought the same. But honestly, I’m just trying to do whatever I can to improve my well being as I’ve been dealing with a lot and that means being away from situations that drain my energy instead of improving it.
This is also why I don’t hang out with many people like I used to. I just haven’t found my tribe of people who make me feel “at home”. I want to surround myself with people who bring out the best in me, not the worst as I feel I really am a good person. And I want to bring out the best in people too! I also want to live in an environment where I can feel comfortable and if that means spending lots of quality time with Ringo, then so be it.