My Yearlong Journey Down the Rabbit Hole and Pulling Myself Out of It

I’ve experienced a lot of weirdness over this past year and most of it has been beyond my capability of understanding.

As I’ve mentioned in a previous blog, I fell down the rabbit hole for a year and became very confused with just about everything in life: my identity, emotions, values, goals, etc. My thoughts became very cloudy and waves of darkness would hover over me at random times, which made me feel lethargic, stagnant and lost. To me, this was trash because I’m naturally an optimistic, non-emotional, go-getter in life.

What happened was that I got too deep into my spiritual “feminine” side after meeting a specific person in my life. I felt pretty balanced and on the up and up prior to meeting him but as soon as I met him, lots of identity issues started to arise within me and everything started to become meaningless. I wanted answers and so I went balls to the wall with my spiritual “feminine” side. And to me, this was following the white rabbit down the rabbit hole.

Focusing too much on one aspect of something and completely ignoring its counterpart is bad for business.

I immersed myself so deeply into spirituality that I started to ignore the practical “masculine” aspects of my life. I became imbalanced and with that I became very confused and feeble minded. Bad Jen.

I respect spirituality very much and everything I’ve blogged about in regards to it still stands firmly for me. However, I’ve started to pull myself back out from the depths of it and just keep it simple, like I should’ve done from the get go, as spirituality can get pretty deep and overwhelming. It’s also feminine dominant, which isn’t my dominant energy.

Even though we all have masculine and feminine energy within us, we all tend to lean towards one energy more than the other in order to stay balanced. My true dominant power lies within the masculine energy of the practical world. It has always been that way for me. That’s the energy I resonate the best with and that’s the energy I feel empowered by.

When I embrace my masculine energy, I become laser focused on my values and goals because this is where they are highlighted and shined upon. I power through and I get shit done. But because I’ve been swimming around in the feminine energy too much, by getting too deep into tarot readings, the twin flame journey, and astrology, I’ve become a follower of my own journey, instead of the leader I’ve always seen myself to be and that’s not how I roll. I relied too much on these aspects of spirituality and when you give a lot of your attention to something, they will control you.

Don’t get me wrong, spirituality is great. I need it to embrace the feminine side of me because it keeps me balanced, puts me in my place when the ego and arrogant behaviors start to surface and allows me to accept vulnerability. However, I can no longer contribute most of my energy towards that side of me. It just doesn’t belong there.

Meditation is an aspect of spirituality and it’s one of the only aspects of spirituality I will keep allowing myself to swim in all day long. The other is understanding the spiritual awakening process. However, the awakening process will be kept to a minimum because most of it is all about knowing and less about reason and logic, which is very overwhelming to the human mind.

I can only take so much of it at a time before my mind starts malfunctioning as I’m not a highly intuitive person, naturally and I’m still going through this awakening process. So just “knowing” isn’t as efficient for me as it is for those who are naturally intuitive and psychic. And yes, there are many people who hold various psychic gifts, naturally, I’m just not one of them and that’s fine by me.

So with this being said, I’ve started to pull myself out of the rabbit hole of deep spirituality.

Tarot readings, the twin flame journey and astrology are spiritual aspects I still firmly believe in, but will no longer pay much attention to anymore. They should only be acknowledged for what they are and that’s it.

And even though I’m still trucking along the spiritual awakening process towards the 5th dimensional (5D) level of consciousness, I’m going back to embracing Stoic, independent of outside spiritual influences, Jen by making shit happen in the practical 3rd (3D) dimensional world until I “know” it’s time to fully ascend spiritually.


Photo: Sky ditch eye hole by Pexels




2 thoughts on “My Yearlong Journey Down the Rabbit Hole and Pulling Myself Out of It

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