I’m losing track of time. I really have no idea what day is what now, but that’s awesome! It means I’m living in the present more. Sweet!
So I stayed in Mt. Shasta for 3 days and 2 nights. I froze my ass off both nights sleeping at the base of the mountain because it was cold and rainy but it was definitely worth it!
I decided to head back down to San Jose to work more delivery shifts because I felt a huge jolt of energy, thanks to Mt. Shasta. I feel as if it cleared up a lot of the negative energy I brought with me to the mountain, and there was a lot of it. And while I feel that it cleared out the bullshit energy, it switched me back towards the Stoic mentality, which was awesome.
The first day I arrived back in San Jose, I felt really fucking good! I was so pumped to work, go to the gym and just enjoy the present moment. It’s like my perception of San Jose completely changed when I returned. I had the motivation to really start making the effort of showing kindness and compassion towards others by greeting people of their existence because from what I’ve observed, San Jose really needs it.
Before I had gone up to Mt. Shasta, the one thing I noticed the most about San Jose was a sense of disconnect. What I mean by this is that it seemed as though many people disconnect from one another. It’s as if no one talks to anyone or even looks at anyone. I’ve tried to make eye contact with so many people but they look away. It was rather strange. So when I came back, I decided to make an effort and say hi to people. It was funny because I could see the shock in their face like, “Do I know this person? Why did she say hi to me?”
The first place I decided to “connect” with people, was at the gym.
It was fun to see if people would respond to me or not and one person actually became curious. I don’t remember his name but he asked if I was from the east coast. I told him I’m not but asked him why and he said because I’m “different” and “friendly”. When he said that, he pretty much validated my observation that people are very disconnected in San Jose.
I’m not saying people that live in San Jose are bad and unfriendly, it’s just that a majority of people do not show any kind of cordial awareness towards one another. It’s as if people outside of who they know, do not exist.
So this motivation towards greeting people of their existence, or whatever you want to call it, started to die quick. After being back in San Jose for 2 days, I felt like I reverted back to negative energy. I’m thinking, “Dang, that motivation to show people they exist didn’t last. Why do I feel so drained and shitty again?” Then I realized how much energy I really do absorb from my environment. I truly am an empath. Yikes!
The feeling of, “I need to get the fuck out of here, now!” came up yesterday and that feeling was on a super deep seated level of the heart. The way I saw San Jose the first day I returned from Mt. Shasta was so different from how I felt about it after 2 days being back. I thought maybe I was losing my shit all over again, but realized it was something else.
Mt. Shasta didn’t want me to come back to San Jose to go back to the same old mundane delivery bullshit forever, it wanted me to see what my true gift was. And that’s being an empath, which I’ve pretty much shrugged off.
When I was in Mt. Shasta for 3 days, the bad ass energies I felt were through the roof and then when I went back to San Jose for 2 days, I felt like shit all over again. So I came to a conclusion: I don’t belong in San Jose. I was only in San Jose to learn a thing or two and now it’s time to leave. And so I left.
Since I mentioned Sedona in my Mt. Shasta blog yesterday, I got all excited. I decided after my shitty delivery block yesterday, I would go to the gym, shower and head 800 miles south east towards Sedona, my first energy home.
So here I am in Bakersfield, at a Starbucks on day 13. I’m about to head towards Flagstaff, Arizona for the night but first, I have to stop at a gym to work out and shower.
I almost forgot, I bought a new sleeping bag made for 30-40 degrees Fahrenheit because I had been freezing my ass off almost every evening the first week and a half living in my Jeep because the weather at night was always no higher than 50 degrees. The funny thing is that once I bought it, the weather at night hasn’t been under 60 degrees Fahrenheit. Funny how that works out! I haven’t had a chance to enjoy my new sleeping bag yet, but maybe in Flagstaff I will! Cheers to new Jeep living adventures!
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Photo: A view of the living room window, from my bedroom, in Mt. Shasta.