I’ve lost many petty battles in my life and I won’t lie, it was because I was pretty ignorant, so “choosing my battles wisely” wasn’t something I knew how to do, whatsoever.
I’ve always considered myself to have more of the type A personality trait, especially when it came to competition and patience. I’ve always thought of myself as competitive, adrenaline driven and I really hated to lose or wait for anything. I was a sore loser at most things because I always wanted to win and I always wanted the attention.
Being competitive all the time is a vice but understanding that is a virtue. And it only took me 36 years to fully understand and practice this, but better late than never, right?
There are times when it’s beneficial to compete, such as becoming a better version of yourself or competing against some kind of life changing event that would take a toll on your psyche. And then there are times when it’s just not a wise idea, like competing to be better than someone else or competing with many negative aspects of the past that you cannot change.
Because of my ignorance, I’ve lost many things in my life that I would’ve enjoyed and benefited from today. However, I don’t regret anything because I learned from them and it also helped to shape me into the Jen I am today.
I wanted to share this thought about choosing your battles, because there was one battle in particular that I could’ve prevented. Luckily, the bridge that connects our personal and professional relationship with each other is still intact.
I recently decided to get back in touch with a skydiving contractor I was pretty good friends with before I started working with him, but cut ties both personally and professionally because we butted heads about something that could’ve been settled in a better way. And I was the one who peaced out thinking I wouldn’t look back.
We were both going through a stressful time when we butted heads and I was pretty annoyed with many of the subcontractors he contracted with, as I felt unnecessary competition with them, which had an negative impact on the quality of my work. And I also disagreed with many of their work ethics and morals, as this industry is not something to fuck around and be complacent with. So because I was annoyed with these people, I took my personal battles with them and created new ones with others.
The work he contracted with me was solid in itself and very different from the other contractors I worked with (which I have no intention on going back to). The money was awesome but most importantly, I did truly enjoy the work I did with the military groups because everything was organized really well and they even thought my quality of work was off the hook. However, the environment with the civilian contractors was something I just didn’t know how to handle and it really threw me off into the deep end.
I feel that since I took almost a year off from working in this industry, and isolated myself from it to do some growing up, I am willing to go back again to see if things will work out better this time around, regardless of who’s contracted.
Right now, he just set off for vacation for a couple of weeks from all the work he’s been busy with this year but is excited to reunite with me when he gets back. And I’m really excited to reunite with him as well. This doesn’t mean I will start contracting with him again, it just means we will try to start rebuilding the bridge that had been holding on by a thread and see where it goes from there.
So if you find yourself in some kind of predicament that may seem like petty blows to the ego, don’t do what I always did, which was allow the ego to take control after a little bruising. Ignore it and then go meditate pronto for answers! If you have an ego that is full of negativity energy like mine was, it’s hard to not retaliate in some way at the snap of your fingers but you just have to learn how to crack that whip.