I felt compelled to write about this again because this connection has made its fierce comeback recently. I’ve also noticed the first part received a lot of views from search engines and I’ve received a few emails in regards to this connection.
So the twin flame concept is something I feel is very misunderstood. I feel many people confuse it with lust or some type of unhealthy attachment people have after a breakup with someone they love. This is not it.
The reason why I say that is because I know myself well enough to know that after a breakup, I run through the 7 stages of grief within a few months. This has happened with a few of my long term relationships in the past. The breakups always hurt like hell for a solid month or two but I was able to get up, dust myself off and bounce back in life quickly, especially if there was a rebound involved. But this twin flame relationship, not even close. It was vastly different from any relationship I’ve ever had and something I will no longer toy with.
I told myself several months ago that I want to keep embracing certain spiritual aspects of life. This would only include the awakening process. I decided to pay less attention to tarot cards, planetary alignments and the twin flame journey. And as much as I’ve been following through with paying less attention to all of them, the twin flame journey never seemed to want to back down one bit.
The moment when I start to feel that I may be forgetting the twin flame separation like all the other relationships I’ve had that ended, it will come back and hit me hard with no explanation. This happened recently when I was enjoying the company of a really good friend of mine.
The really good friend I spent a few days with this past week is a bad ass. He’s got a lot of good shit going for him, is a very humble BASE jumper, understands the parachuting world in the same way I do and for as long as I’ve known him, I’ve felt pretty comfortable. He’s got lots of jokes and is pretty close to what I consider a quintessential man. He wanted to hang out longer in the bay area with me and check out Mt. Shasta after I told him about it, but I felt this very strong surge of “you two are getting a little too close, you need to get the fuck away from him now” kind of feeling. And it actually pissed me off because I was having a lot of fun.
It was strange and I honestly could not understand it. That’s when I started to think, “Must go up to Canada now”. I had tried to change my plans to go to Vancouver while I was with my friend but that backfired. I figured I’d just stick around NorCal and explore until mid month, then head back down to SoCal and visit Canada during the fall. But the moment I had that thought, I started to feel really horrible. My friend could even sense something was wrong. I just decided I needed to head up north alone and so I did. He understood that I just needed to be alone and handle my own shit and so he ended up heading back down to SoCal.
The moment that I redirected my attention towards heading up to Vancouver is when I felt a sense of relief. It felt “right”.
I did a lot of thinking during the drive and remembered a song called “Be Quiet and Drive” by the Deftones. I haven’t heard that song in so many years but it just randomly popped up in my head and I listened to it along with their song “Change”. Those songs had me thinking a lot on the drive up to Canada about my twin, Josh. Then while I thought about him, another song called “Love on the Brain” by Rihanna came on and I lost it. I completely started crying, thinking, “Why doesn’t this connection ever fade away?!?!” I was doing so good up until I started hanging out with my friend for a few days. Oh I was livid.
I’m trying to move on but when I try, I end up getting overwhelmed with “triggers”. It happens every time and the more I try, the more triggers get dumped on me. So now I realized that I just have to stop trying to ignore the connection and start listening to it more.
I had planned to go straight towards Vancouver but was redirected towards Aldergrove/Abbotsford because hotel costs in Vancouver were ridiculously high. When I looked for other surrounding areas to stay at, guess what hotel popped up? The one I last saw Josh at. I was pretty much guided to come here and that’s where I’m at right now for another hour before heading to Vancouver.
I pretty much walked in my own footsteps on the way up here. I stopped at the same gas stations without even realizing it, parked in the same area I parked when I was here last time, and went to the same bar Josh and I went to called Fox and Hounds Pub. I ended up getting offered a shot from a random couple who stopped in and then received a random hug from the bartender, Rick, who was awesome!
This experience of retracing my steps from a year ago was very very strange because I did it the same way but without Josh. I’ve never experienced anything like this. EVER. It was very, very surreal and made me wonder if I’m really losing my shit big time. But I deeply feel that I’m not and I’m not going to worry about it either. I’m just going to keep following my heart and if it directs me right back to him in some way, then I guess I wasn’t crazy after all, eh?