Hey!

It’s been a while! And for the first time in a long time, I felt the need to blog. So here I am!

I decided months ago that it was better for me to completely remove myself from blogging and any type of social media for several months. The only thing I really did was keep a handwritten journal, which was a great decision. I was also really busy with work.

I’m not really sure if I plan to blog much anymore and I might allow my site to shut down because I have done really well with keeping my thoughts to myself….but we shall see.

So what’s been going on?

Well, I rebuilt a solid foundation and started to restructure my life.

I am actually living in a cute duplex not too far from the Pacific Ocean instead of living carelessly in my Jeep roaming aimlessly in life. I have a full time job that reinforces perseverance into my brain and I’m back into pursuing law school full time. I don’t know if I had mentioned that in any of my posts but it was a long term goal of mine several years ago.ย I had dropped that goal to pursue a career in skydiving, because at the time it seemed to be way more fun and felt so much easier to deal with. Well, this ended up becoming the decision that would change my life for the next 7 years and eventually caused me to become financially unstable, irresponsible with my finances, homeless various times, and just very confused.

Basically, I became very lazy, entitled and developed the “vagabond” mindset, which to me now is just a way of not wanting to have any kind of responsibility in life. And the last 2 years really put a big spin on that mindset, which was very, VERY dark. But it was for my own good.

The funny thing is that nothing bad was really happening to me (other than what I set myself up for) it was just the mindset I had developed over a period of time that made everything seemed bad, which eventually led to various dark phases or “dark night of the soul” and much confusion about the true nature of spirituality.

Now that I’ve FINALLY got my shit together over the last several months, I don’t experience those dark phases anymore. I still struggle with adversities from time to time but that’s just life. And because I’ve learned what it means to be psychologically gritty and stoic, I feel these adversities either balance me out or make me mentally stronger.

However, my personality has changed.

I’m no longer an optimistic extrovert. I’m more of a realistic introvert. I prefer alone time more than I have in the past because communicating with people has never been so difficult like it is now, especially because I prefer to stay away from communicating with people via social media. Also, I guess it’s because I’ve wanted for so long to open myself up to the truth of life. Well, I finally got my wish.

Unfortunately, I came to a conclusion after various personal observations that the reality in which we live in, is not as nice as I once thought (and that Robert Greene is a genius for writing about it).

All that I was very ignorant about has opened up to my awareness. It’s been overwhelmingly ugly but what can I say other than it’s reality and I just have to roll with it. But just because I’ve become aware of these disturbances in life doesn’t mean I need to be pessimistic and antisocial by hiding under a rock. It’s in our innate nature to be social animals, so I do socialize with very few people and I’m definitely more empathetic towards people than ever before…I’m just silent about it. ๐Ÿ™‚

Anyways, I’m doing well and have been busy with school, work and enjoying myself as a new Santa Cruz local! I hope you are all doing well too! Cheers!

 

6 thoughts on “Hey!

  • Hey darl, been wondering where you have been, I was in the same mindset, and I have too become a little more ‘stable’, if that’s the word for it with a full time job as well!! Funny, same birthdays and same wayward lifestyle, mind you I was in a bed at a mates house and living minimally, not quite the jeep lifestyle, but sometimes it felt like it haha. Now both somewhat settled and I don’t use much (if any) social media either. Instagram is the max of it, and that’s looking at pictures, I very rarely read the captions lol. Good luck in life with whatever you do darling. Much Love. xxx

    Liked by 1 person

  • You and I are very in sync! The Jeep lifestyle seemed like it needed to happen at the time. It was rough, I won’t lie but it taught me what not to do in life. Ha! And social media is always fun when it comes to memes and such. Can’t complain about funny shit, right? ๐Ÿ˜‰

    Like

  • This is a deep change.
    I also underwent a similar turnaround after a massive downfall
    (which I just started to write down chronological in my blog).

    The first stage is a kind of denial in the hope that with a relentless will to pursue things will better,
    but at one point I also did let go of my rebellious attitude and settled for staying still as the I Ging often suggests.

    One of my last efforts to force a change was me walking 2 camino de Santiago in one year and in the next year along the Danube for 4 months from Germany to Bulgaria.

    After that I realised that I better first focus on myself, my (soul-) Self,
    and started a massive longterm meditation project.

    The internal journey is non-spectacular and therefore people initially see it as a regress, but it shifts one towards a total different reality in a very gentle way,
    whilst also dissolving a lot of karmic misconceptions.

    However – my internal rebel is still very much alive, and I intend after having completed it in 2-3 years to get back to a project designed to change what I don’t like in society currently.

    I wish for you
    that you won’t settle only for a mere comfortable and convenient lifestyle
    which only evolves just around the current celebrated standards of creating and supporting a family, because in my eyes having that as a primary purpose in life has some kind of egotistical connotation.

    Liked by 1 person

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