It’s been a while! And for the first time in a long time, I felt the need to blog. So here I am!
I decided months ago that it was better for me to completely remove myself from blogging and any type of social media for several months. The only thing I really did was keep a handwritten journal, which was a great decision. I was also really busy with work.
I’m not really sure if I plan to blog much anymore and I might allow my site to shut down because I have done really well with keeping my thoughts to myself….but we shall see.
So what’s been going on?
Well, I rebuilt a solid foundation and started to restructure my life.
I am actually living in a cute duplex not too far from the Pacific Ocean instead of living carelessly in my Jeep roaming aimlessly in life. I have a full time job that reinforces perseverance into my brain and I’m back into pursuing law school full time. I don’t know if I had mentioned that in any of my posts but it was a long term goal of mine several years ago. I had dropped that goal to pursue a career in skydiving, because at the time it seemed to be way more fun and felt so much easier to deal with. Well, this ended up becoming the decision that would change my life for the next 7 years and eventually caused me to become financially unstable, irresponsible with my finances, homeless various times, and just very confused.
Basically, I became very lazy, entitled and developed the “vagabond” mindset, which to me now is just a way of not wanting to have any kind of responsibility in life. And the last 2 years really put a big spin on that mindset, which was very, VERY dark. But it was for my own good.
The funny thing is that nothing bad was really happening to me (other than what I set myself up for) it was just the mindset I had developed over a period of time that made everything seemed bad, which eventually led to various dark phases or “dark night of the soul” and much confusion about the true nature of spirituality.
Now that I’ve FINALLY got my shit together over the last several months, I don’t experience those dark phases anymore. I still struggle with adversities from time to time but that’s just life. And because I’ve learned what it means to be psychologically gritty and stoic, I feel these adversities either balance me out or make me mentally stronger.
However, my personality has changed.
I’m no longer an optimistic extrovert. I’m more of a realistic introvert. I prefer alone time more than I have in the past because communicating with people has never been so difficult like it is now, especially because I prefer to stay away from communicating with people via social media. Also, I guess it’s because I’ve wanted for so long to open myself up to the truth of life. Well, I finally got my wish.
Unfortunately, I came to a conclusion after various personal observations that the reality in which we live in, is not as nice as I once thought (and that Robert Greene is a genius for writing about it).
All that I was very ignorant about has opened up to my awareness. It’s been overwhelmingly ugly but what can I say other than it’s reality and I just have to roll with it. But just because I’ve become aware of these disturbances in life doesn’t mean I need to be pessimistic and antisocial by hiding under a rock. It’s in our innate nature to be social animals, so I do socialize with very few people and I’m definitely more empathetic towards people than ever before…I’m just silent about it. 🙂
Anyways, I’m doing well and have been busy with school, work and enjoying myself as a new Santa Cruz local! I hope you are all doing well too! Cheers!