The other day I found out what EnChroma glasses were. No joke!
I was watching random YouTube videos and a video about the reactions of wearing them for the first time came up. I know YouTube has some algorithm method but no clue how this came into the equation.
Anyways, it was a video on people who are color blind and their reaction to seeing color for the first time. The amount of overwhelming reactions made me cry. It was crazy and made me realize how much I really take for granted in life.
Here are these people who cannot see the beauty that lies in color. I have full access to it, yet I don’t think much of it because I’ve always had access to it. I only knew one person that I can remember that is color blind. I was 18 years old when I worked with him and thought that must suck to be color blind. I didn’t think much of it and haven’t come across anyone since and I’m 38 years old now.
When I watched these videos, I started to binge on them. It made me feel so good to see what it did to those who are color blind. It also made me realize that this is exactly how I feel about life and depression.
I dealt with depression for a few years now, although I was never diagnosed. I refuse to seek any kind of psychological therapy and go to a psychiatrist to get a prescription, especially after I was prescribed Adderall during my senior year in college. That drug was very harmful to me so no thanks.
My depression now isn’t linked so much with a chemical imbalance in my brain as it is to a lack of connection with people and feeling valued because I can still feel joy through empathy, which is why I blogged about Joker. I pretty much self diagnosed through a book called Lost Connections by Johann Hari. It was a book that stood out to me randomly at Barnes and Noble and I decided to check it out. So glad I did!
This book made so much sense to me and I clicked with it immediately the moment I read the first cause. It made me realize the way I felt wasn’t primarily focused on being a “chemical imbalance” but rather the spiritual aspect of life which is: lack of connection with people, lack of appreciation for all the hard work I’ve done for others and a lack of meaningful work. I was very enlightened by this book and Johann’s research and also annoyed by the way Joe Rogan treated Johann during their podcast.
As of right now, I would consider myself to be “colorblind” towards life and everything I would consider exciting because I’ve been exposed to feeling worthless at my job and have dealt with feeling disconnected with people who are primarily focused on their double life on social media. I don’t do any of that shit. Exposing myself as someone else on social media just screams “UNETHICAL” to me. So basically, my soul right now can only see in dull colors.
For most of my life I felt my soul could sense color. I was happy and very extroverted. I was able to pick up opportunities left and right and seize them without much thought. I could feel gratitude and excitement. Everything I experienced was in full blown color, neon and loud! My most used word in my 20’s and early 30’s was “stoked” because I was always stoked on everything. I felt valued by people close to me and actually felt deep connections with others.
Nowadays I can’t even get excited about watching my favorite movies or doing much of anything because I haven’t had many connections with people and it has spiked up the cortisol in my system that diffuses motivation and good feeling neurotransmitters. Using the word “stoked” sounds foreign to me and I have a hard time picking up on opportunities because I’m skeptical. Lame, right?
When I watched these EnChroma reaction videos, I thought “Wow, wouldn’t it be cool if there was a simple way to help those who are or have become depressed to internally feel the beauty in life just like those EnChroma glasses allow those who are colorblind to visually see the beauty in life right away?”
Maybe some day.