A Little Something For My Mom

Any time I’m in Sedona, Arizona, I try to swing by the Chapel of the Holy Cross.

I’m not Catholic but my mom was. She tried to get me and both of my sisters to go to church all the time with her when we were younger but never forced us.

We were all baptized as Catholics but out of the three of us, I was the only one who never received Confirmation and Holy Communion. So yeah, I wasn’t allowed to eat the bread and drink the grape juice.

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A Wink From the Cosmos

Yesterday, I randomly decided to take a break from my drive along the Pacific coast in a city called Depoe Bay, Oregon.

I sat in my Jeep for a good 30 minutes to take in the incredible view of the ocean and to catch up on my journaling because I haven’t done so since I was in Canada a couple of days ago. As I finished journaling, I decided to grab some food at one of the places located behind where I parked. I saw a sign for clam chowder located on one of the restaurants but for some reason I didn’t feel it was a good idea to go there but I did want chowder. I looked a little to my right and saw a place that looked really good and definitely caught my attention – Gracie’s Sea Hag. Ha! I went into Gracie’s and had myself a bread bowl full of awesome clam chowder.

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A Few Thoughts on Solo Traveling

I used to be afraid of traveling alone. I didn’t want to be seen as a loner and just the thought of having to explore on my own just seemed boring and very scary. Boy was I wrong.

Solo traveling makes me feel empowered and free. I can do whatever I want, whenever I want. I also learn to become more independent, get comfortable with being uncomfortable and develop courage along the way. To me, that’s next level badassery.

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Much Respect Towards US Border Patrol Agents

One in particular gave me quite the scare today.

It was much easier to be granted access into Canada than to be granted access back into my own home country.

It took a few minutes of answering questions to get into Canada but almost a complete interrogation session to be granted entry back home.

But first, much respect to the Canadian Border Services Officers that have been super nice to me anytime I visited. Our interactions have been short and sweet.

So as I pulled up to a US Border Patrol Agent to show my passport upon entering the states, I answered some simple questions. But apparently, traveling solo all the way from California to Canada only for a day without a plan, without buying souvenirs, without knowing anyone or meeting up with anyone comes up as suspect.

I just explained it was a little road trip and I wasn’t going to delve into anything spiritual or anything related to that matter because obviously any kind of non practical explanation won’t fly with them, whatsoever.

He kept asking me questions and then said, “Sorry ma’am, but your story doesn’t seem to make any sense. Hold on a moment.”

My stomach dropped and then I said that I didn’t know what else to say. Then he said it was hard for him to accept that I had traveled all this way for just a day without knowing anyone or having some form of “validated reason”.

As I waited, I see cars in other lanes going through wondering if I was going to have to pull over and go through some kind of interrogation session.

He comes back and says something like, “So ma’am, you want me to believe that you drove all the way up here for a day? Why?” I responded by telling him I just traveled 8,000 miles around the US plus over 1,000 miles to Canada for sentimental reasons and I had visited a year ago for the airshow in Abbotsford because I worked with the Canadian parachuting team and while I was here at that time I was curious about Vancouver but never went to visit. I also added that I enjoyed traveling alone.

He then responded by asking me a whole shit load of random questions and then finally the mileage of my vehicle and if I had traveled the whole 9,000 miles in “this thing” referring to my Jeep. I said yes and then he looked back at the computer and mumbled something in his intercom.

Finally, he grabbed my passport and as he handed it back to me he said, “That’s quite impressive, welcome home.”

I thought, wow what a process that was to come back home. Is it really a huge deal for someone to travel alone without any plans or to meet up with someone? It doesn’t matter though because the Border Patrol Agent both scared the shit out of me but in the end also flattered the shit out of me as well!

Photo: The Peace Arch on the Canadian/US border.

The Struggles of the Twin Flame Journey Pt. 2

I felt compelled to write about this again because this connection has made its fierce comeback recently. I’ve also noticed the first part received a lot of views from search engines and I’ve received a few emails in regards to this connection.

So the twin flame concept is something I feel is very misunderstood. I feel many people confuse it with lust or some type of unhealthy attachment people have after a breakup with someone they love. This is not it.

The reason why I say that is because I know myself well enough to know that after a breakup, I run through the 7 stages of grief within a few months. This has happened with a few of my long term relationships in the past. The breakups always hurt like hell for a solid month or two but I was able to get up, dust myself off and bounce back in life quickly, especially if there was a rebound involved. But this twin flame relationship, not even close. It was vastly different from any relationship I’ve ever had and something I will no longer toy with.

I told myself several months ago that I want to keep embracing certain spiritual aspects of life. This would only include the awakening process. I decided to pay less attention to tarot cards, planetary alignments and the twin flame journey. And as much as I’ve been following through with paying less attention to all of them, the twin flame journey never seemed to want to back down one bit.

The moment when I start to feel that I may be forgetting the twin flame separation like all the other relationships I’ve had that ended, it will come back and hit me hard with no explanation. This happened recently when I was enjoying the company of a really good friend of mine.

The really good friend I spent a few days with this past week is a bad ass. He’s got a lot of good shit going for him, is a very humble BASE jumper, understands the parachuting world in the same way I do and for as long as I’ve known him, I’ve felt pretty comfortable. He’s got lots of jokes and is pretty close to what I consider a quintessential man. He wanted to hang out longer in the bay area with me and check out Mt. Shasta after I told him about it, but I felt this very strong surge of “you two are getting a little too close, you need to get the fuck away from him now” kind of feeling. And it actually pissed me off because I was having a lot of fun.

It was strange and I honestly could not understand it. That’s when I started to think, “Must go up to Canada now”. I had tried to change my plans to go to Vancouver while I was with my friend but that backfired. I figured I’d just stick around NorCal and explore until mid month, then head back down to SoCal and visit Canada during the fall. But the moment I had that thought, I started to feel really horrible. My friend could even sense something was wrong. I just decided I needed to head up north alone and so I did. He understood that I just needed to be alone and handle my own shit and so he ended up heading back down to SoCal.

The moment that I redirected my attention towards heading up to Vancouver is when I felt a sense of relief. It felt “right”.

I did a lot of thinking during the drive and remembered a song called “Be Quiet and Drive” by the Deftones. I haven’t heard that song in so many years but it just randomly popped up in my head and I listened to it along with their song “Change”. Those songs had me thinking a lot on the drive up to Canada about my twin, Josh. Then while I thought about him, another song called “Love on the Brain” by Rihanna came on and I lost it. I completely started crying, thinking, “Why doesn’t this connection ever fade away?!?!” I was doing so good up until I started hanging out with my friend for a few days. Oh I was livid.

I’m trying to move on but when I try, I end up getting overwhelmed with “triggers”. It happens every time and the more I try, the more triggers get dumped on me. So now I realized that I just have to stop trying to ignore the connection and start listening to it more.

I had planned to go straight towards Vancouver but was redirected towards Aldergrove/Abbotsford because hotel costs in Vancouver were ridiculously high. When I looked for other surrounding areas to stay at, guess what hotel popped up? The one I last saw Josh at. I was pretty much guided to come here and that’s where I’m at right now for another hour before heading to Vancouver.

I pretty much walked in my own footsteps on the way up here. I stopped at the same gas stations without even realizing it, parked in the same area I parked when I was here last time, and went to the same bar Josh and I went to called Fox and Hounds Pub. I ended up getting offered a shot from a random couple who stopped in and then received a random hug from the bartender, Rick, who was awesome!

This experience of retracing my steps from a year ago was very very strange because I did it the same way but without Josh. I’ve never experienced anything like this. EVER. It was very, very surreal and made me wonder if I’m really losing my shit big time. But I deeply feel that I’m not and I’m not going to worry about it either. I’m just going to keep following my heart and if it directs me right back to him in some way, then I guess I wasn’t crazy after all, eh?

I’m In Canada!

Eh!

…and I’m staying at the exact hotel I last saw my twin flame in person exactly one year ago. It’s weird, very weird. I’m here and he’s not.

I’ve experienced a lot of my past in the last 2 months. Really, it’s crazy, very weird and very surreal. I honestly didn’t think I would revisit a massive amount of past experiences within just 2 months.

I just spent a few days with a good friend of mine in Big Sur and Monterey, California. He was actually the person who took the picture of me on the swing above the clouds that is posted on my website. That picture was taken 2.5 years ago, which was the last time I was in Big Sur. I also went back to revisit Mt. Shasta on the way up here, even though I was just there 2 months ago.

But anyways, I haven’t been on my computer much for almost a week and need to play catch up with various fun adulting stuff. I’m also a bit overwhelmed with how I feel being in this hotel, and so I can’t really blog much but I figure I’d just get on, read other blogs and post a joke I heard yesterday that made me laugh. So enjoy!

A Zen Master and one of his students were having a conversation.

The student asked the Zen Master, “What is the secret to happiness?”
The Zen Master replied, “Never argue with idiots.”
The student replied, “I don’t believe that to be true.”
The Zen Master replied, “You’re right.”