Memory is a funny thing.
I seem to remember a lot of the shit I don’t want to remember, yet always forget a lot of the shit I need to remember.
From mid December 2018 to the end of January 2019, I felt balanced and life was flowing.
I had just left Austin, Texas to road trip back to San Jose, California. I had meditated pretty much every day while I was in Austin from the end of November to mid December. Meditation pretty much gave me clarity on my next move, which was to road trip back to San Jose. I had no clue why, but I just followed what I had picked up on from meditation.
I drove back to San Jose and started working with Amazon Flex again. I also stayed at a hostel like AirBnB that was within my budget and that wasn’t too far away from my gym and work. But what was really cool about this place was meeting a lot of really cool people from all over. It almost felt like home.
Working for Amazon Flex went really awesome this time around because I was always able to pick up work, the deliveries were super fun and easy, the pay increased since the last time I was there and I was actually delivering to really beautiful neighborhoods. And then when I was done working, I would come back to the AirBnb and socialize with my housemates all night long.
It was all super fun and I was just super excited that I was able to make money, live somewhere cool, socialize with awesome people, go to the gym every day and just be busy all the time, which is something I love. I was also really happy to finally reconnect with a really good friend of mine who I became very close and intimate with since August of 2018 but had a falling out with right before Halloween. I blogged about him in Respecting Nature.
Things were just flowing really well and I was so busy with all these things that I had forgotten to meditate every morning and remind myself of the Stoic practice of premeditatio malorum and the Stoic principle of memento mori, as I’ve described in my blog Handling Bad Days.
I was so busy with everything going right in my life that I completely forgot to prepare myself for when everything may go wrong. And it did. All at once. And I was completely knocked on my ass, even though it was me who manifested it.
So what happened?
All within days of each other in the same week, during the full moon total lunar eclipse, the people I became very close with at the AirBnb started to depart, the work with Amazon started to dry up and become very complicated, I was asked to leave the AirBnb I was staying at because I was the only one who was caught drunk out of the housemates I was out partying with (which became a new rule of the AirBnb – zero tolerance for intoxication) and I had a really horrible falling out with my really good friend, once again. So basically, I was left with no friends, no work, no place to stay and a bad heartbreak within days of each other.
Everything just came crashing down and because I had forgotten to meditate every day and forgot to remind myself of the vital importance of premeditatio malorum and memento mori, I reacted instead of responded.
If I had just remembered to meditate every day when things were flowing so well, I would’ve been able to handle all the shit that was served to me that week like a boss. But instead I fell victim. I just made a lot of what I would consider unstoic-like decisions, which means making decisions based on negative emotions, instead of staying head strong. However, now remembering memento mori, it’s in the past and it is what it is.
As I think about the entire experience in San Jose, after hours of recent meditation, I’ve come to acknowledge that it was all a huge test that was handed to me not too long after I blogged about The True Benefit of Meditation. With that said, isn’t it funny how we forget to practice the very same principles that we preach, until it is handed to us in the form of a test? For that I cheers to the next test of adversities that may be handed to me, with the intentions that I remember all the important shit I preach about!
Photo: Bell Rock in Sedona, Arizona this morning. Yep, I’m back here at the huge electric (upflow) rock once again to recharge and recenter myself. Works. Every. Time.